Everyone thought I was beautiful. They said it so often, how pretty I was and how my face was so flawless.
Sometimes, men would approach me. Handsome, wealthy, well educated men. And they would want to start conversations and go to lunch and have my number and keep me in their circle. But I always found a way to slip off and step back under the rock I had placed over myself because I never saw who they saw. I would look in the mirror and a plain dark girl with uninteresting features would stare back. I was used to feeling like I lacked a lot, especially physically. Like I didn't possess enough qualities to compete with other women.
Why didn't I have a chiseled face and pointed nose? Or thigh gaps, or long legs, or perfect lips? Why didn't I have wide hips or piercing brown colored eyes that people would never stop talking about and men would want to drown in?
Last week, I was walking on the corridor in my hostel with no form of makeup, my hair a mess and me looking like a wreck when a guy walked down the stairs with a girl I assumed he was dating.
He gave me a quick blank glance.
In such situations, i would feel ugly and small and hope we never see again. This time, there was none of that, and in my head
--"you know are beautiful, and its okay to look like this sometimes. Just have in mind that if he were to see you looking half your best he would probably want you as his"--
played.
Then, I knew I had begun my journey to self love.
Self-love is such an empowering journey. I started mine long ago but recently have been putting a lot more effort into it because that feeling of swallowing myself was creeping back into my world and I didn't want it there. This was a beautiful piece of writing, but I hope that the words in your head change to this: "You know you are beautiful, even now. And who cares if he wants me as his or not? I love me and that is the only affirmation I need in this world to feel validated." :)
ReplyDeleteHey there Indie, here's a peck for being the first to comment on my blog :*
ReplyDeleteFor every step I take on this path, I seek for anything that would help me through. So, thank you for refining those words. I really appreciate it.